Comment: A war upon our women
On behalf of all the men and women of this generation who have grown up in relative comfort and privilege directly due to the tireless work of past activists and suffragists who fought, some giving up their lives, for equality and freedom, I apologize.
I apologize to Gloria Steinem, Martin Luther King, Jr., Sonia Sanchez, Dolores Huerta, Cesar Chavez, Sitting Bull, Princess Ka’iulani, Aung San Suu Kyi, Harriet Tubman, Catherine MacKinnon, Gloria Anzaldua, Bell Hooks, Andrea Dworkin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Medgar Evers, Steven Biko, the Freedom Riders, Mother Theresa, Jesus Christ—too many to name them all.
I apologize for the sublime ignorance by which my generation exploits itself for money and attention—exercising the disassociation of oppression through the practice of reclaiming that oppression under the guise of “free will.”
Some choose to exploit themselves. Some choose to objectify themselves. Some choose to ignore its social ramifications. Some choose to be selfish. Throughout the ages, you have fought for your unborn future generations; all of us. You have died for us, went to jail for us, cried your eyes out for us, worried about our outcomes, paved the way for a better and freer life—a life better than your own—only to see some of us take that freedom and dash it across our own skins until we bleed; the master’s whip in the hands of slaves; too full of self-hate. The only thing we know how to do with it is turn it upon ourselves.
I have seen a woman battered and screaming for help, slam the door on those who come to her aid after her abuser has fled. I have seen the reticence of women, bought and sold by men, staying loyal only to their code of silence, regulated in the shadow of the strange low-hanging fruit of a female lynching by sex-traffickers. I have heard the rant of a male poet advocating for the legalization of prostitution at an all-ages poetry gathering, attended by minors, garner laughs and giggles from the audience. I have witnessed women try to throw a “Pimp and Ho” party because they can, men applauding them, and a confused community choosing the “free speech” of oppression over the “free speech” of equality.
It seems that when it comes to gender-issues, my generation of women believes that “if you can’t beat them, join them.” However, this doesn’t make us really part of the pack. Abuse still occurs on an epidemic level. In Hawaii, one in seven women has been raped during their lives. One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually assaulted by age 18.
This may be a significant reason why Hawaii has the highest attempted teen suicide rate in the nation, one of the highest arrest rates of juvenile girls, and one of the highest rates of runaway offenses among girls. Hawaii’s kids are not doing too well and we’re not connecting the dots.
What is my generation doing about this? We are the generation responsible for Toddlers and Tiaras, “Babikinis” or bikinis for toddlers, and the rejuvenation of the Japanese practice of Nyotaimori; using a woman’s naked body as a living sushi platter for customer consumption, popular at parties among the Yakuza, and now in certain restaurants in Europe and the United States.
If we can get over our regular practice of allowing men to equate women as just, or mostly, sexual objects (something that past generations fought hard to undo in the Freudian age), maybe we could stop to think about what our own silence or willing participation is doing to younger girls who look up to us? Our current and future daughters. Can we object to the sexualization of babies? Is it too late? Is it even possible if you are used as a naked sushi platter for public consumption? Can we wear those two totally different looking hats? The answer is, “No.”
To the parents who groom their toddlers to enter beauty pageants, the answer is “No.”
To the women who willingly choose to subjugate themselves and participate in Nyotaimori, the answer is “No.”
To the female club promoters who attempt to hold Pimp and Ho parties, the answer is “No.”
To the poet who advocates for the legalization of prostitution in an all-ages poetry slam, the answer is “No.”
To the makers of Babikinis, not only what the hell were you thinking, but also, the answer is “No.”
Those who confuse sexual objectification with women’s right to be sexually expressive, only serve to divide sisters and confuse the community. There is a difference between sexual objectification and a right to be sexually expressive, so long as the sexual expression has no detrimental repercussions on society or another person, and so long as that sexual expression does not eliminate another’s ability to express themselves. It’s about “free speech” and “respect,” but unfortunately the latter is not included in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
There is a continuing war upon women. And just as Albert Einstein once said, “It is impossible to simultaneously prevent and prepare for war,” you cannot simultaneously promote the sexual objectification of females and prevent men’s violence against females—the consequences are just as destructive as the atom bomb.
1. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, someone is sexually assaulted every two minutes in the United States. Every 9 seconds in the United States, a woman is assaulted or beaten.
2. In Ecuador, adolescent girls reporting sexual violence in school identified teachers as the perpetrator in 37 percent of cases.
3. Approximately 100 to 140 million girls and women in the world have experienced female genital mutilation.
4. In South Africa, a woman is killed every six hours by an intimate partner.
5. In India in 2007, 22 women were killed each day in dowry-related murders.
6. In Guatemala, two women are murdered, on average, each day.
7. Over 60 million girls worldwide are child brides.
8. Women and girls comprise 80 percent of the estimated 800,000 people trafficked annually into the United States.
9. In the eastern Democratic Republic of Congo, more than 400,000 cases of sexual violence, mostly involving women and girls, have been documented—a rate of 48 women an hour.
10. Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
Women hold up half the sky and yet at our feet stand the headstones of our silent sisters. If you laid down their bodies, violently beaten to death at the hands of men, there would be no space left on earth for the living.
How did it get to this? With every opportunity missed in correcting a boy when he says the word “bitch.” Saying nothing when someone you know goes to a strip club. Refusing to hold men who buy sex accountable for their actions. By allowing the glorification of pimp culture’s takeover of hip-hop. Giving a car thief 15 years in prison while sentencing a child-molester to 12 months. Blaming women for their own abuse rather than the men who commit those crimes with every question such as “What were you wearing?,” “Why did you drink so much?,” “Why did you stay out so late?”. By not believing your own daughter when she tells you she’s been raped by your boyfriend.
It starts small, but nonetheless significant.
How can progressive change start? By planting a tree next to every headstone of our fore-mothers graves, carving our declaration of independence into its bark, and reminding ourselves that we are nothing less than intelligent, sentient, and beautiful human beings. Not objects to be used and thrown away—not by others—not by our own selves.
We are people, sisters ... mothers of this great earth without which there can be no future.
Kathryn Xian is one of the founding members of the Pacific Alliance to Stop Slavery, the Non-Executive Director of Girl Fest Hawaii, and publisher of Hawaii Women’s Journal.